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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24146260">I won't hesitate bitch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostie_Luther/pseuds/Ghostie_Luther'>Ghostie_Luther</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Good Sibling Luther Hargreeves, Humor, In this family we LOVE EACHOTHER DAMMIT, Kid Fic, Luther is my favourite character IF you couldnt tell, Multi, No Incest, Soft Luther Hargreeves, Soft hargreeves, Texting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:48:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,171</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24146260</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostie_Luther/pseuds/Ghostie_Luther</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just your obligated crack filled umbrella academy group chat, what else?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allison Hargreeves &amp; Everyone, Ben Hargreeves &amp; Everyone, Diego Hargreeves &amp; Everyone, Klaus Hargreeves &amp; Everyone, Luther Hargreeves &amp; Everyone, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) &amp; Everyone, Vanya Hargreeves &amp; Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>326</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Welcome thots</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The hargreeves are still children in this! Also idc Luther is a GOOD BROTHER AND THERE IS 0 INCEST IN THIS HOUSE</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>0.4 has created a group chat!</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>0.4 has renamed the group chat to "saddle up hoes"</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>0.4 has added 0.1, 0.2, 0.3, 0.5, 0.6, 0.7 to the chat.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>2.03am</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>0.4<strong>:</strong> sup hoes</p><p>0.1<strong>: </strong>oh no</p><p>0.6<em>:</em>I tried to stop him I swear </p><p>0.2<strong>: </strong>it's okay Ben we believe you </p><p>0.3<strong>: </strong>speaking of Ben, let's change our names. Please. I keep saying your names as "zero point something" and it's annoying the hell out of me </p><p>0.4<strong>: </strong>damn tell me how you really feel </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>0.4 changed their name to "klaus"</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>0.3 changed their name to </strong>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>"Allie"</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>0.5 changed their name to "five</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>0.1 changed their name to "luther"</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>O.2 changed their name to "diego"</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>0.7 changed their name to "vanya" </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>0.6 changed their name to "Ben"</em>
  </b>
</p><p>klaus<em>: </em>ben I can't believe you </p><p>klaus<em>: </em>I told you to change your name to bentai </p><p>ben<em>: </em>did you honestly fucking think id change my name to bentai </p><p>klaus<em>: </em>I thought I was your favourite </p><p>ben<em>: </em>sucks 2 b u ig</p><p>Diego<em>: </em>Ben pls, never shorten shit that much ever again </p><p>ben<em>: </em>hehe uwu okay</p><p>Diego<em>: </em>KLAUS WHAT DID YOU DO</p><p>klaus<em>: </em>nothing I swear!! </p><p>klaus<em>: </em>also five you little shit </p><p>klaus<em>: </em>why didn't you use the name mom gave you</p><p>five<em>: </em>I refuse to be called tanner</p><p>Five: like I love mom but TANNER??? </p><p>Luther: I thought my name made me sound like I should be riding a horse at a private school but yours just sounds like you're a redneck living in the woods with his shotgun and truck </p><p>Diego: IM CRYIHN</p><p>allie: did Luther really come out of nowhere to roast fives name </p><p>Vanya: he did </p><p>Klaus: wait I left for 2 seconds what's going on </p><p>Klaus: WAIT</p><p>Klaus: BAHAH FIVE UR A REDNECK</p><p>Five: I mean I'm really not but damn Luther I thought the exact same thing ngl</p><p>Allie: but now the press is going to think that five is short for fievel, which is worse in my books </p><p>Five: tanner</p><p>Allie: nvm gn</p><p>Five: that's what I thought hoe</p><p>Five: you guys got nice names and I'm stuck with fucking tanner</p><p>Luther: five stop im trying to draw blueprints and i can taste the salt from here </p><p>Ben: I CANT </p><p>Diego: WHY AR E YOU ATTACKING FIVE LMAOOO</p><p>five: IS THIS ABOUT WHEN I ACCIDENTLY TIPPED WATER ALL OVER THE BLUEPRINTS YOU WERE MAKING FOR YOUR PLANE</p><p>Luther: mayhaps</p><p>Luther: you didn't say sorry you just went "whoops" and teleported out of the room </p><p>Luther: those plans took me three hours :(</p><p>Klaus: oh no he's sad </p><p>Ben: apologise RN</p><p>five: OKAY. IM SORRY. </p><p>Luther: it's okay :)</p><p>Klaus: daw he's happy now </p><p>Ben: this is the only time I've ever witnessed five apologise wth </p><p>Diego: holy shit same </p><p>Klaus: he once laughed when he tripped me down the stairs </p><p>Five: I was 4 </p><p>Klaus: you laughed </p><p>Five: it was funny</p><p>Klaus: I mean fair </p><p>Five: wait it's 2am why the fuck are we all up </p><p>Diego: why not </p><p>Ben: this gc</p><p>Luther: what's sleep </p><p>Klaus: Luther that is a big fat MOOD</p><p>klaus: you know you're not so uptight when dad can't see you </p><p>Luther: well I mean yeah he threatens me </p><p>Luther: jokes on him though I still figured out how to get out of the academy unnoticed </p><p>Diego: what</p><p>Klaus: what </p><p>Ben: what</p><p>Luther: what </p><p>Klaus: you found a way out of the academy??? </p><p>Luther: I was gonna wait and tell you when I managed to find a way throughout the entire house and out the way I found without being noticed before I dragged you all through </p><p>Luther: cuz there's a pretty good chance we could get caught atm </p><p>Diego: how did you even find a way out??</p><p>Luther: oh I was looking for places to cry lmao </p><p>Klaus: normally I would say mood but,,,, are you like,,, okay</p><p>Luther: yeah I'm fine dw lmao </p><p>Luther: anyway turns out there's this donut place diner thing called griddys like three streets down that looks good</p><p>Luther: If we can get the girls into it want to sneak out? </p><p>Diego: I can't believe this is happening </p><p>Ben: me neither wtf </p><p>Klaus: my eyes have been blessed </p><p>Diego: is golden boy Luther hargreeves suggesting we sneak out after bed time?? </p><p>Luther: does Diego hargreeves want to be left behind?? :))</p><p>Diego: wait no </p><p>Luther: anyway I'm gonna go now cya </p><p>Klaus: oh shit cya </p><p>Ben: night </p><p>Diego: imma beat your ass at morning training </p><p>Klaus: annywaaaaay it's 3am now so I'm gonna bounce too </p><p>Diego: damn you're all leaving?? Pussies </p><p>Ben: Diego i just heard you yawn through the walls </p><p>Diego: fuck u </p><p>....</p><p>4am</p><p>Klaus: wait are we going to ignore that Luther said dad threatend him  </p><p>Klaus: hello??</p><p>Klaus:...</p><p>Klaus: fuck yall </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I am bready to die</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>7: 06am</p><p>Klaus: morning hoes</p><p>Luther: let's get this bread</p><p>Klaus: damn someone's happy</p><p>Luther: yeah slept a full 4 hours </p><p>Diego: we need to get you checked out</p><p>Allie: what the hell happened last night??</p><p>Vanya: we leave for an hour and shit goes down </p><p>Vanya: frankly that's kinda rude </p><p>Ben: klaus just full on fucking choked vanya </p><p>Vanya: damn </p><p>Vanya: slap that bitches back</p><p>Diego: I'll do it </p><p>Diego: FUCKUNG MLAHHAHAHHA</p><p>Allie: what did you do!???</p><p>Luther: what was that loud noise </p><p>Luther: pls, I'm having a good morning, pls dont ruin it </p><p>Ben: Diego slapped Klaus so hard he went flying into a bookcase </p><p>Diego: CANT VREAHT</p><p>Vanya: it's true I was the bookcase</p><p>Five: Vanya I'm SCREAMING</p><p>five: but so will everyone else if you're late to breakfast you have 30 seconds </p><p>Luther: OH SHI</p><p>allie: FUCK</p><p>klaus: ALLISON JUST ZOOMED PAST ME AND TOOK ME OUT</p><p>Diego: I CANY MOVE</p><p>ben: what an interesting morning </p><p>Klaus: allison when Luther said to get that bread he didn't mean LITERALLY</p><p> </p><p>8:10am </p><p>Klaus: morning training sucks ass </p><p>Vanya: oh worm??</p><p>Vanya: must be nice to be included </p><p>Klaus:....do you need a hug???</p><p>Vanya: nah I got my violin </p><p>Klaus: Vanya do you hug your violin?</p><p>Vanya: what of it </p><p>Luther: klajs get kff your phoee </p><p>Vanya: uhhhhh what </p><p>Klaus: holy shit he just typed that with his phone in his pocket how </p><p>Luther: KLUUD</p><p>klaus: why</p><p>Klaus: SHIT DADS COMING THATS Y</p><p>Vanya: well done :))</p><p> </p><p>10:00am</p><p>Klaus: Diego I can't believe you sat on Luther </p><p>Diego: he would have won otherwise </p><p>Diego: I had to "aDapt" </p><p>Five: first of all-</p><p>Allie: Ben are you good? Sorry for hitting your head </p><p>Ben: lmao it's fine al dw </p><p>Ben: I'm more worried that Klaus thought it would be a good idea to jump on Luthers back</p><p>Diego: lmfao I nearly cried Luther just stood there while Klaus was rocking back and forth trying to knock him over</p><p>Vanya: damn must he nice to be included </p><p>Five: do you need a hug</p><p>Klaus: I asked that earlier it's okay she has her violin </p><p>Luther: hey van, we normally have cookies after training. Wanna join?? </p><p>Vanya: oh hell yeah </p><p> </p><p>5:14pm </p><p>Luther: okay we finally have freedom so here's the plan </p><p>Luther: the place we're gonna leave out of is above dad's office. There's a big ass window with an alcove ledge thing and a ladder going down into a back ally </p><p>Luther: does anyone still want to go?? Cuz I'm going no matter what </p><p>Diego: uh fuck yes I'm going </p><p>Klaus: me and Benny are in. What time??</p><p>Luther: well dad goes to bed around 12, so if we don't want to get caught and murdered then we can leave at 1?? Just to be safe??</p><p>Allie: I'm concerned on why you said murdered </p><p>Klaus: hush woman. Wait do we even have money?? </p><p>Allie: did you just shush me </p><p>Luther: I mean I still have some left over from when Grace gave us some to buy ourselves a reward from that mission we did great on </p><p>Vanya: damn</p><p>Luther: if ur coming I can pay for urs??? </p><p>Vanya: I'll pay you back </p><p>Luther: it's okay lol </p><p>Diego: yeah I've got some cash</p><p>Allie: me too</p><p>Ben: I've got me and Klaus </p><p>Five: I never actually bought anything so yeah I'm good </p><p>Luther: so we'll leave at 1??? </p><p>Klaus: aye</p><p> </p><p>1:07 am</p><p>Allie: I can't believe we're doing this </p><p>Klaus: why are you texting we're all together </p><p>Allie: don't want dad Grace or pogo hearing us </p><p>Klaus: ah fairs </p><p>Diego: damn Luther this is a pretty good crying spot</p><p>Luther: shut up and go down the ladder so the rest of us can go :((</p><p>Diego: aight chill ur beans </p><p>Luther: my what </p><p>Luther: allison stop laughing Istg</p><p>Diego: wait Luther is this a fucking blanket </p><p>Diego: why is it so heavy </p><p>Klaus: why are you touching it </p><p>Vanya: Diego istg</p><p>Luther: it's a weighted blanket man </p><p>Luther: it helps control anxiety attacks and shit ://</p><p>Diego: since when do you have anxiety </p><p>Luther: since I discovered I had superpowers, put in charge of 6 of my siblings, was put in special training, then sent on missions where I had to lead 5 out of 6 siblings into battle while trying to keep them safe from getting hurt or killed :))</p><p>Ben: shit man</p><p>Klaus: valid </p><p>Allie: GET DOWN THE FUCKING LADDER I WANT DONUTS</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>2:10 </p><p>Ben: klaus get your fucking hand away from my donut or I'll punch you </p><p> </p><p>3:15</p><p>Luther: everyone back in their rooms??</p><p>Diego: aye aye cap'n </p><p>Klaus: captain </p><p>Klaus: cap'n is like cap'n crunch </p><p>Vanya: we've never had cap'n crunch </p><p>Klaus: just let me fucking live :( </p><p>Vanya: everyone say thank you to Luther </p><p>Diego: tganks ig </p><p>Klaus: ty :))</p><p>Ben: ty daddio </p><p>Klaus: ben pls theres chikdren here </p><p>Klaus: fuck I can't type I'm too tired</p><p>Luther: what are you thanking me for?</p><p>Vanya: for letting us have fun </p><p>Luther: oh </p><p>Luther: ty:)</p><p>Luther: feels nice to be complimented once in a while lmao </p><p>Luther: anyway gn </p><p>Klaus:....</p><p>Ben:...</p><p>Ben: we should start thanking him more Jesus </p><p>Allie: ditto </p><p>Vanya: damn and I thought I had self esteem issues </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Please don't eat my ass spirits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1:21AM</p><p>Ben: did anyone else hear that </p><p>Luther: no I sleep </p><p>Ben: ???bitch???</p><p>Ben: ??You're?? awake??? </p><p>Luther: no I sleep </p><p>Luther: okay no I've been staring at a wall for ages what's up </p><p>Ben: I just heard a bigass knock on my wall </p><p>Luther: rats? </p><p>Vanya: what's five doing in the walls? </p><p>Ben: VANYA LALAIGFUKWJAJQYB</p><p>Luther: PMSL NAWWWW</p><p>klaus: wait fjjck I just woke up what's happening </p><p>Klaus: HOLD ON PAHAHHAHA GO OFF VANYA</p><p>Vanya: praise me</p><p>Luther: we're a cult and you're the ruler </p><p>Ben: deep</p><p>Klaus: I like it </p><p>Klaus: anyway </p><p>Klaus: you heard shit in your walls?? </p><p>Ben: YES I swear I was reading my harry potter book and I heard like a taptaptap on the walls </p><p>Ben: FUVKB THERE IT IS AGAIN SKWK</p><p>vanya: I HEARD IT THAT TIME SKKAKQKKWK</p><p>Luther: you guys good? </p><p>Ben: NO </p><p>Ben: PLEASE COME DOWN </p><p>Luther: ben imma be honest, I'm not coming down I was just being polite </p><p>Luther: I'm not getting my ass snatched by some spirit </p><p>Luther: I'm not being the basic blonde blue eyed bitch to die first </p><p>Luther: make diego go </p><p>Klaus: FEARLESS LEADER WHO</p><p>Luther: MY STRENGTH DOESNT WORK ON FUCKING CASPER THE GHOST ALRIGHT </p><p>Vanya: LMAO AIGHT </p><p>Vayna: ben im omw dw </p><p>Ben: thannk you dear sister i love you </p><p>Vanya: no I'm just coming to get my book back you stole it from me </p><p>Vanya: I'm leaving straight after </p><p>Ben: fuCK tHis FUCKING FAMILY</p><p> </p><p>6:37am</p><p>Allison: wait we have ghosts now? </p><p>Allison: fuck sake I'm going to rumour myself into a coma I'm so done with this shit </p><p>Diego: I get you, I've been working my entire life, I'm so stressed, i don't even make money off of it </p><p>Luther: you're 13 years old </p><p>Luther: we're ALL thirteen years old </p><p>Diego: that's thirteen years I've been alive </p><p>Diego: i hate it </p><p>Five: fucking,,,, hnnnn mood</p><p>Vanya: lmao you good</p><p>Five: I shouldn't have had that coffee at griddys </p><p>Five: I need more </p><p>Five: if I want a relationship I want to marry coffee </p><p>Klaus: dude your love life would be amazing </p><p>Ben: man,, what If you want to have kids?? How would that work </p><p>Luther: oh💕🔪 damn 😔 I spilled🧚‍♀️ coffee ☕on the🛏🚪 bed 💫</p><p>Klaus: LUTHER KEKKDJCJ</p><p>Five: FIRST of all I'm not having kids </p><p>Five: second of all, Luther you're late to the bathroom I'm going in before you now </p><p>Luther: FUCK wAIT </p><p>Luther: actually nvm I don't give a rats ass </p><p>Vanya: damn we sure talk alot about five 😫</p><p>Five: I AM NOT A RAT </p><p>Vayna: sure </p><p> </p><p>4:05pm</p><p>Diego: okay I thought what Ben was saying was bullshit but holy shit I just walked into the library and a book just fell off the shelf </p><p>Diego: I'm now in moms room </p><p>Diego: someone go check it out pls </p><p>Klaus: I mean,, I haven't seen anyone unusual </p><p>Ben: I TOLD U </p><p>Allison: who has reggie pissed off now </p><p>Vanya: omg it's our biological fathers coming to take us back </p><p>Luther: FANYA IM FUCJINT WEEPING </p><p>Luther: I hope he takes me back into the light </p><p>Diego: LUTHER PMSL NO DONT GO INTO THE LIGHT </p><p>Allison: wait no I want to see what happens </p><p>Luther: bitch :((( </p><p>Luther: just for that I'm ascending and I'm not taking any of you with me </p><p>Vanya: um hello???</p><p>Luther: no you charged at me because you thought I stole your bowstring </p><p>Luther: where the f u c k would I hide it I was in my pajamas </p><p>Vanya: okay valid hnnng </p><p>Klaus: at least one of us is getting into heaven </p><p>Five: lmao you think Luther is getting into heaven?? </p><p>Five: naw he's being sucked into hell by his toes</p><p>Luther: why my toes</p><p>Luther: why can't I get into heaven :(( </p><p>Five: you dropped your tea on your leg and yelled, and I quote, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON HIS GOLDEN THREE WHEELED BIKE GOD ISNT REAL ANYWAY" </p><p>Five: not to mention you asked me if witches worshipped Satan and if so how could you join</p><p>Luther: I JUST WANT TO CAST SPELLS N SHIT OKAY </p><p>Luther: I SAW IT ON SABRINA</p><p>Diego: WAIT LUTHER YOU YELLED WHAT??</p><p>Vanya: WHY WOULD YOU SCREAM THAT</p><p>Luther: god had forsaken me so I must make it clear </p><p>Klaus: you are fucking dangerous lmfao </p><p>Luther: ty Klaus that means alot </p><p>Ben: WHAT WAS THAT SCREAM</p><p>Allison: GUYS WJAT THE FUCKKKKK</p><p>Allison: I WENT TO GRAB MY MAKEUP BRUSH ANF JT FLEW AWAY FTOM MY HAND</p><p>Luther: I'm starting to think dad found another secret baby and is keeping them in the basement and this is their power revealing themselves </p><p>Diego: oh no </p><p>Diego: we can't raise a baby </p><p>Diego: I'm not ready to be a mom </p><p>Allison: THE FUCK IS GOING ON </p><p>Ben: I FUCKIGN TOLLLLLLD YOU ALL BUT NOOOOO</p><p>Ben: also Allison I wouldn't ask Luther to come help you that ass is unreliable </p><p>Allison: lmao he's here with me rn </p><p>Allison: came as soon as I screamed </p><p>Ben: LUTHER YOU BITCH</p><p>Luther: Bëåñß 🥫 béâńš 🍛 bæñß 🍜 Bëåñß 🥫 béâńš 🍛 bæñß 🍜 Bëåñß 🥫 béâńš 🍛 bæñß 🍜 Bëåñß 🥫 béâńš 🍛 bæñß 🍜</p><p>Vanya: is🤨that➡️what🙌i 👁 think 🤔 it✨is💭a🍏one1️⃣of🌅a🍁kind💁🏼‍♂️limited🌺edition🧺schlond🚗poofa🥽</p><p>Ben: code </p><p> </p><p>2:43 am</p><p>Ben: OKAY WHO HEARD THAT CRASH</p><p>Diego: WTF WAA THAT </p><p>Vanya: HOLY SJIT</p><p>Allison:WHAT HAPPENED</p><p>Klaus: DID ANY ONE ELSE HEAR THAT </p><p>Five: OKAY WHAT THAT WAS LOUD AS HELL</p><p>Luther: Ah fuck me</p><p>Vanya: no thanx </p><p>Klaus: wait holy shit everyone is online </p><p>Diego: what the FUCK was that it woke me up </p><p>Luther: okay this ghost thing might be true </p><p>Ben: fucking elaborate rn </p><p>Luther: I was up on my phone and one of my airplanes was ripped from the ceiling </p><p>Luther: like there's legit chunks on the floor ffs </p><p>Ben: WHAT</p><p>Diego: HOW ARE YOU SO CALM</p><p>Luther: oh I'm not lmao I'm crying like a little bitch </p><p>Luther: the little man I had on there is looking at me from the floor in betrayal </p><p>Luther: I can't bring myself to go help him </p><p>Allison: OH MY GOD</p><p>Vanya: WE HAVE LITERAL GHOSTS</p><p>Klaus: FUCK I DIDNT SEE ANY </p><p>Klaus: IM STAYING IN MY ROOM</p><p>Five: W T F KLAUS THATS YOUR POWER?? </p><p>Luther: okay whatever it is,,, I think it's gone now I can breath again </p><p>Luther: how the hell am I going to clean my floor and fix the ceiling before dad sees??? Oh fuck I'm dead he's gonna blame me </p><p>Diego: it's okay Luther we'll think of something </p><p>Klaus: luther just ask the maid to clean it up </p><p>Vanya: what </p><p>Luther: what </p><p>Five: what </p><p>Klaus: yeah she'll probably do it </p><p>Klaus: she's quiet tho so don't take it personally and she's a little weird </p><p>Luther: KLAJS</p><p>Klaus: ???</p><p>Luther: KLAUS WE DONT HAVE A MAID</p><p>klaus: JESUS FUCK </p><p>Ben: FUCKING HELL </p><p>Diego: WE'RE SO CURSED</p><p>Allison: *UNHOLY SCREAM SOBBING* </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oop I'm not dead but I wish I was :))))))))))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Luther is babey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2:34am</p>
<p>Klaus: I really want to eat food rn but I don't want to wake dad, ben and vanya up by using the microwave</p>
<p>Luther: eat it frozen</p>
<p>Diego: okay Luther first of all be normal </p>
<p>Luther: :( </p>
<p>Luther: I'm sorry :( </p>
<p>Klaus: DIEGO YOU BITCH DONT MAKE HIM APOLOGISE</p>
<p>Diego: IM SORRY</p>
<p>Klaus: DONT SAY IT TO ME </p>
<p>Diego: luther </p>
<p>Luther: :)?</p>
<p>Diego: I'm sorry you're sUch a fucknng weirdi </p>
<p>Diego: fuckung weirdi </p>
<p>Diego: fucking weirfo </p>
<p>Luther: come on, picture the words bitch </p>
<p>Klaus: JAKSKWKWKKXJNQKKWKWKW</p>
<p>Diego: you know what open your door </p>
<p>Luther: why? Can't reach the handle?? </p>
<p>Klaus: OUTTA POCKKKKETTT LMAO</p>
<p>Diego: IM ONLY LIKE,, AN INCH SHORTER THAN YOU </p>
<p>Luther: that's an inch I'm above you 💅</p>
<p>Klaus: yeah Diego even I'm taller than you </p>
<p>Klaus: guess you'll always be the little bithklqlwo8819j2bbnnx</p>
<p>Luther: shit you dead? </p>
<p>Luther: fuck sake </p>
<p>Luther: know what I wasn't on duty it's not my fault I'm going to bed </p>
<p>Luther: g'night </p>
<p> </p>
<p>2:11am</p>
<p>Klaus: DIEGO TOOK MY FUFKINF PHONE</p>
<p> </p>
<p>7:33am </p>
<p>Allsion: klaus why tf did you only include Ben and vanya in your little rant </p>
<p>Klaus: because they're my favourite siblings </p>
<p>Luther: well fuck you too I guess </p>
<p>Luther: guess that bullet i took for you in that bank robbery meant nothing </p>
<p>Klaus: WHAT </p>
<p>Diego: WHAT FUCKING BULLET</p>
<p>Vanya: wait you guys didn't know???</p>
<p>Allison: NO???</p>
<p>Ben: wait what's going on </p>
<p>Ben: WHAT</p>
<p>Ben: @Five GET UR RATS ASS ONLINE</p>
<p>Five: gnnnhhhbb bad morning everyone </p>
<p>Five: holdup</p>
<p>Five: luther care to explain?????????</p>
<p>Luther: nah</p>
<p>Klaus: BITCH</p>
<p>Vayna: I remember!!! I was on the roof being left out next to dad, right? </p>
<p>Diego: ouch aw man</p>
<p>Vanya: and ur all fighting n shit </p>
<p>Vanya: and one of the gun men aims his gun at Klaus and Luther is like "not today bitch" and grabs the gun quick and although he managed to get the gun away from Klaus it aims at him instead and clips his arm lmao</p>
<p>Luther: it wasn't that bad lmao </p>
<p>Vayna: tell that to me bitch I was the one helping mom in stitching you up </p>
<p>Vanya: I'm traumatised </p>
<p>Vanya: you traumatised my virgin eyes </p>
<p>Klaus: okay 1, we both know you've seen worse </p>
<p>Vanya: lmao true </p>
<p>Klaus: luther you IDIOT</p>
<p>Klaus: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US</p>
<p>Luther: I mean,,,, didn't really affect me lmao </p>
<p>Five: whAt tHe fUck dO yOu MeAn </p>
<p>Luther: it healed in like 3 days </p>
<p>Luther: you guys know I have a healing factor?? </p>
<p>Luther: it's also why I eat alot </p>
<p>Allison: I didn't even realise you were hurt ngl??</p>
<p>Allison: when was this?? </p>
<p>Vayna: like 2 years ago </p>
<p>Klaus: holy shit </p>
<p>Klaus: I'm coming to give you something </p>
<p>Luther: a hug??? :')) </p>
<p>Klaus: fufnkk I was going to give you money but I want to give you a hug gmmhnn </p>
<p>Allison: guys I'm with Luther rn I can tell you he fucking PERKED up when he sent that message </p>
<p>Allison: FUCK HE WANTS THE HUG SO BAD</p>
<p>Allison: HES PUT HIS PHONEDOWN HES WAITINF FOR KLAUS</p>
<p>Allison: KLAUS QUICK COMEON</p>
<p>klaus: IM COMING</p>
<p>Ben: omgomgomgomg this is adorable </p>
<p>Vanya: luther is babey.</p>
<p>Ben: LUTHER I S BABEY</p>
<p>
  <em>Five has changed Luther's name to Babey.</em>
</p>
<p>Diego: LMAO YES FIVE</p>
<p>Allison: guys I'm fucking crying in the club rn </p>
<p>Vanya: spill sis what's happened </p>
<p>
  <em>Allison has changed her name to Allie </em>
</p>
<p>Allie: Klaus just burst into the room and launched himself at Luther and I thought Luther would be the one hugging him but Klaus full on tried to bring him onto his lap to hug him and luTHER JUST LET HIM???</p>
<p>Allie: FUCKING LOOK AT THISSS</p>
<p>Allie: <em>attachment:fuckingBABEY</em></p>
<p>Allie: KLAUS IS STROKING HIS HAIR</p>
<p>Diego: OKAY NOW IM FUCKING CRYING WHAT THE FUCK </p>
<p>Vanya: LUTHER IS LITERALLY GLOWING RN</p>
<p>Allie: LEGIT HIS FACE IS LIT UP </p>
<p>Ben: ITS LIKE LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF THE SUN</p>
<p>Five: are we sure Luther is the oldest because OH MY GOD </p>
<p>Five: SUNSHINE CHILD</p>
<p>Ben: THE WAY HES CURLED UP</p>
<p>Klaus: okay moment over reg walked in and told us to get to training </p>
<p>Babey: fuck Reggie I was enjoying that </p>
<p>Allie: I fuckking know oh my god </p>
<p>Babey: wait Allie why are you crying?? </p>
<p>Babey: wait what's with my name??</p>
<p>Ben: read up </p>
<p>Babey: oof ok</p>
<p>Babey: WTF DID I ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE THAT LMAOOOO</p>
<p>Klaus: YOU DID </p>
<p>Klaus: I WAS BLESSED</p>
<p>Luther: I HAD THE STUPIDEST LOOK ON MY FACE</p>
<p>Klaus: hoe you know you enjoyed my hug </p>
<p>Luther: can't deny that bucko </p>
<p>Klaus: wack</p>
<p>Vanya: W A C K </p>
<p> </p>
<p>5:55pm</p>
<p>Klaus: luther what do you use to wash your hair?? </p>
<p>Luther: tears </p>
<p>Luther: why</p>
<p>Klaus: imma ignore that it's just soft af </p>
<p>Diego: Like Luther </p>
<p>Vanya: lmao if our hair matches our personality five is a spikey prickley little bitch </p>
<p>Ben: lmao little bitch boy </p>
<p>Diego: bitch boy </p>
<p>Allison: bitch boy.</p>
<p>Five: WHAT DID I dO </p>
<p>Allie: you cursed my ears with your singing.</p>
<p>Ben: he WHAT </p>
<p>Luther: THAT WAS FIVE WAS SINGING?? </p>
<p>Luther: I THOUGHT THE BOILER GAVE OUT</p>
<p>klaus: JAILLLLLLLL </p>
<p>Five: I WASNT THAT BAD</p>
<p>allie: FIVE IT WAS A WAILING </p>
<p>Luther: WHAT WERE YOU EVEN SINGING</p>
<p>allie: LAUV, LAUV LAUV BYYYY LAUUUF LUUUUUAVE</p>
<p>Five: FUCK YOU ALLLLLLLL</p>
<p>Five: if I die you'll be sorry </p>
<p>Ben: did you just say if </p>
<p>Five: I don't plan on dying </p>
<p>Klaus: yet?</p>
<p>Five: ever</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Straight people exist??</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Luther reveals something surprising about himself!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>12:23am </p><p>Vanya: hey uh who the FUCK is making that awful noise running up and down the hall </p><p>Klaus: I'm sleep bitch </p><p>Ben: no ur not ur painting your nails at the end of the bed </p><p>Klaus: okay but imagine if you DIDNT expose me</p><p>Allie: YALL WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT </p><p>Vanya: IDK IDK THATS WHAT I ASKED IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE GRABBING THEIR CHEEKS, CLAPPING THEM TOGETHER AND YOWLING AS THEY RUN UP AND DOWN THE HALL</p><p>Klaus: what cheeks we clapping here? </p><p>Ben: Sandy cheeks...</p><p>Klaus: isn't that the busty texan squirrel from the sponge cartoon </p><p>Klaus: she wouldn't have cheeks she would have nUUUUUTS</p><p>Vanya: KLAUS PLS</p><p>Diego: WHO THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY MAKING THAT NOISE </p><p>Diego: LUTHER</p><p>Diego: LUTHER IS THAT YOU </p><p>Five: can y'all uhhhh fucking sleep </p><p>Vanya: wtf no old man </p><p>Allie: drag him sis </p><p>Five: says the one who draws her eyebrows on everyday smh </p><p>Allie: </p><p>Allie: ahem....</p><p>Allie: FIREWORKS FROZE LOIKE STARS IN THE SKOI </p><p>Five: IM NOT THAT BAD</p><p>allie: ITS WORSE THAN THE HOWLING OUTSIDE WHY THE FU K IS IT RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE HALL </p><p>Vanya: THIS IS SCARY </p><p>Klaus: WHERE THE FUCK IS LUTHER</p><p>Klaus: ITS NOT HIM IS IT</p><p>Vanya: I CAN TELL YOU ITS NOT LUTHER HE SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE THAT </p><p>Diego: @Luther</p><p>Diego: OI DIPSHIT </p><p>Diego: COME ONLINE</p><p>Ben: @Luther!!!</p><p>Luther: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT</p><p>Luther: oh sorry Ben!! I thought you were Diego!! </p><p>Ben: I'm offended by that </p><p>Diego: bitch????</p><p>Luther: what the fuck is that sound </p><p>Luther: sounds like the mission alarm finally gave up the ghost </p><p>Vanya: QKKQKQM DONT SAY GHOST</p><p>Vanya: IM NOT DOING THIS AGAIN</p><p>Luther: waiT WHAT EVEN IS THAT NAHAHHAHAHAA</p><p>Diego: DID IT JUST HOWLSCREAM LMFAOOOO </p><p>Klaus: WHAT THE FUCK IT LITERALLY WENT HOOOOHAAAHAAAAHA AND YOU TWO ARE LAUGHING ABOUT IT????</p><p>Klaus: MY WAXED ASSCHEEKS ARENT GETTING SLAPPED BY SOME WEREWOLF GHOST WITH A SCREAM KINK</p><p>Klaus: BENFFMMMMF</p><p>Ben: I kicked him off the bed, ur all welcome </p><p>Ben: SHIT THERES NAILPOLISH ON THE CARPET OH NOOOOOO FUCK</p><p>Ben: ITS GOING TO STAIN OHOHFUCK</p><p>Ben: SOMEONE HELP ME</p><p>Diego: IM NOT MOVING ITS OUTSIDE</p><p>Allie: I would rather chip a nail </p><p>Vanya: perish </p><p>Luther: fuck Ben don't worry I'll be over now!! </p><p>Ben: THANK YOU BABEY LUTH</p><p>Luther: nvm</p><p>Five: LMAOO</p><p>ben: NO WAIT LUTHERRR PLEASEEEE</p><p>Luther: I'm still coming!! I'm just getting my shoes on instead of slippers just incase I have to roundhouse kick something in the face on the way over </p><p>Vanya: badass</p><p>Klaus: damn you would risk your life for benny? He owes you a solid bro</p><p>Luther: nooooo he'll get punished by dad if it stains :((( I'm just gathering the courage to open the door </p><p>Diego: did you get punished for that btw?? The plane thing??</p><p>Luther: yes </p><p>Klaus: you gonna expand on that? </p><p>Luther: i don't really want to </p><p>Luther: right Ben,,, I'm omw</p><p>Vanya: I'm pressed up against my door WAITING for screams </p><p>Five: SKSKSKS ME TOO </p><p>Diego: AND ME</p><p>ben: AND ME AND KLAUS</p><p>Allie: wait hold on </p><p>Allie: NOW I AM</p><p>Luther:....thanks guys </p><p>Luther: FUCK ITS GETTING CLOSERRRR</p><p>Luther: wajt </p><p>Luther: WAIT</p><p>luther: NAHAHAHAHAHAHHAJAJAKAKAJHAHAHAHA</p><p>vanya: LUTHER!?</p><p>Diego: ARE YOU GOOD????</p><p>Five: omg I can hear something happening </p><p>Allie: wait the noise just stopped </p><p>Vanya: LUTHER IS THAT YOU LAUGHING</p><p>Luther: ICANT BREATH </p><p>Klaus: what happened!!!!</p><p>Ben: spill!!!!</p><p>Luther: IT WAS FUCKING POGO </p><p>Luther: HE WAS SLEEP WALKING LIKE AN ACTUAL MONKEY UP AND DOWN THEBHALL IM IN PAINNNNNN </p><p>Vanya: WHAT THE FUCK IM CRYING </p><p>allie: OH MY GOOOOD MONKEY POGOOOOO</p><p>Klaus: NAHAHA MONKEH</p><p>Diego: mmmmm mONKEY</p><p>Luther: oh my god my chest hurts ahhh he looked so confused when I poked him and he woke up </p><p>Luther: hooo boy </p><p>Luther: okay he's fucking disappeared somewhere </p><p>Luther: Ben open up before I collapse </p><p>Ben: okeyokey im here </p><p>Ben: OH MY GOD LUTHER LMAO</p><p>Klaus: THERE ARE LITERAL TEARS RUNNING DOWN HIS FACEEEE</p><p>Klaus: lookatthisfuckingblonde.gif</p><p>Vanya: LUTHER YOUR FACE IS SO RED</p><p>Luther: I CANT STOP LAUGHING </p><p>Luther: IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE</p><p>Luther: I RECORDED SOME </p><p>Diego: if you don't share that shit rN-</p><p>Luther: monkeymangalloping.gif</p><p>Diego: IM IN FUCKING PAINNNN</p><p>Klaus: LMFAO HES GALLOPING LIKE HES SHIT HIMSELF </p><p>Vanya: THE WAY HE RAN ACROSS THE HALL THROUGH THE TWO DOORS LIKE A HORROR MOVIE </p><p>allie: THE WAY THE CAMERA SHAKES AS LUTHER TRIES TO BE QUIET</p><p>Ben: ITS THE HOOHOOHOHOHOO AS HE RUNS FOR ME</p><p> </p><p>1:13am </p><p>Ben: ignoring the fact you ignored me </p><p>Ben: I can't get this stain out </p><p>Ben: luther got.....distracted before he left</p><p>Diego: distracted???</p><p>Ben: he saw Klaus's nails and like.....lit up </p><p>Klaus: I couldn't help but offer....</p><p>Allie: wait omg you didn't </p><p>Luther: I GOT PINK NAILS!!!! :DD</p><p>allie: AWWW OH MY GOD </p><p>Vanya: PRECIOUS</p><p>Klaus: SEE</p><p>Ben: NONE OF YALL CAN RESIST SO STFU</p><p>Diego: bro that's amazing and all but like,,, ur number 1 </p><p>Diego: won't dad be on your ass about it? </p><p>Luther: probably..</p><p>Allie: does that mean you'll have to wipe them clean? </p><p>Luther: id rather shit in my hand and clap </p><p>Klaus: BEN JUST FELL OF THE BED</p><p>Vanya: LMAO YOUD RATHER WHAT</p><p>Luther: YOU HEARD ME</p><p>Luther: dad can fight me and my sparkly nails </p><p>Luther: but not rly because see he's very homophobic and has threatened me when I was younger to correct me if I didn't correct myself gnshhdhdhhhj </p><p>Klaus: lmao moood he'll never accept gay ppl, it's why me Vanya and Ben hide~</p><p>Vanya: lmao yeah </p><p>Ben: wait </p><p>Vanya: wait</p><p>Klaus: waIT </p><p>allie: WAIT</p><p>Diego: WAIT</p><p>Diego: why are we waiting </p><p>Klaus: LUTHER ARE YOU GAY </p><p>Luther: MMMMAYHAPS</p><p>Luther: IM PANSEXUAL </p><p>Klaus: WHAT THE FUCK DUDE SAME???</p><p>Allie: OH MY GODDDDD I THOUGHT U WERE STRAIGHT </p><p>Luther: ew</p><p>Ben: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US??? WE HAVE A GC FOR THE GAES</p><p>Vanya: I FEEL, SO CHEATED</p><p>Vanya: HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN</p><p>Luther: it's not that big of a deal guys!! And for years and years </p><p>Luther: remember that one time we had a nanny when we were really young that told us to draw our ideal partners??? </p><p>Diego: yahhh I hated that nanny </p><p>Luther: yeah well I drew a guy and dad found it😬</p><p>Vanya: holy fucking shit no way </p><p>Vanya: what did he say</p><p>Vanya: I'll slit his throat with my bowstring</p><p>Allie: can you even do that lmao </p><p>Vanya: I can give it a go</p><p>Klaus: lutherrrrrr</p><p>Ben: boi if you've gone to cry again istg</p><p>Luther: im here!! He ripped it up in front of me and told me I couldn't like boys and I had to set an example to all of you so I couldn't afford to be "queer" </p><p>Klaus: WHAT THE FUCK</p><p>Diego: ARE YOU TAKING THE PISS</p><p>Allie: NO</p><p>allie: why do I hear boss music?? </p><p>Allie: VANYA PUT THE VIOLIN DOWN</p><p>Ben: im going to kill him </p><p>Luther: Bruh I feel like that ALL THE TIME </p><p>Luther: so what if I like guys and pretty pastel clothing :(( and skirts are cute too, I asked mom to make me one in private!!! </p><p>Klaus: OMG ARE YOU A FEMBOY??</p><p>allie: EW NO HES NOT</p><p>Klaus: not the femboy hooters shit!!! The boys that like to wear pretty pastel and often feminine clothing and like to look cute!!! </p><p>Luther: dkakkskx I guess sometimes??? Yeah sure one skirt or something is a nice change but I'm defo a boy, and I don't want to wear girls clothes all the time, I guess Im just.....not as confident in plain old guy clothes. Some nice pastel cute hoodies and tops look more appealing to me ig </p><p>Klaus: BRUH I FEEL YOU SO HARD </p><p>Klaus: skirts are so fucking comfy girls are so LUCKY</p><p>allie: say that when you're running up a flight of stairs with all your brothers behind you </p><p>Ben: an I oop </p><p>Ben: sorry dead meme kakskwkskowjxjd</p><p>Ben: okay, so to summarise because I think five passed out </p><p>Vanya: lmfao weak ass old man</p><p>Ben: Luther is pansexual, like Klaus</p><p>Klaus: !!!</p><p>Ben: and sometimes he likes to wear more feminine clothes like skirts, because they make him feel cute and he's more confident in them than the boxy, manly clothes males wear </p><p>Luther: yup!! Only one skirt tho, it's a nice pink one mom made and helped me try on! Plus I think I have some Jewellery too...</p><p>Allie: GASP</p><p>Vanya: GASP</p><p>Luther: you can borrow them....as long as you return them unbroken </p><p>Luther: apart from the necklace with a lock on it that ones my favourite </p><p>Klaus: have I told you how much I love you recently </p><p>Luther: no lmao </p><p>Klaus: wait fr </p><p>Ben: KLAUS</p><p>klaus: IM SORRY I LOVE YOU </p><p>Luther: ....you can borrow them too ig as long as you come to me beforehand!! Mom helped me pick them out and I love them to pieces </p><p>Klaus: YAY TYSMMMMMMM BITCH </p><p>Luther: wow that made me sound very girly lol </p><p>Luther: in no way have I changed. Like...at all </p><p>Allie: duh silly!!!! </p><p>Diego: of course bro </p><p>Diego: now I know what to get you for your birthday at least </p><p>Vanya: our** </p><p>Diego: fight me ratchild</p><p>Vanya: WHO AM I???? FIVE?? </p><p>Luther: bitch be acting five </p><p>vanya: AKKWKQKWJSHMMMM</p><p>Luther: fuCK IM SORRY</p><p>Vanya: better be or I'll come over and tickle your breastbone </p><p>Luther: wh,, wha,, what the fuck vanya</p><p>Vanya: there is no Vanya...from now on call me banya </p><p>Diego: no </p><p>Vanya: &gt;:(</p><p>Klaus: okay so me and benny have been talking </p><p>Ben: and there's something we still must do </p><p>Vanya: oh worm????</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>klaus has added Luther to the queer academy </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben: 🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯join </p><p>Vanya: 🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯us</p><p>Klaus: welcome brother. </p><p>Luther: fuck y'all im going to sleep </p><p>Luther:.......love you guys </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(If anyone has a problem with me making Luther gay and in touch with his feminine side you can suck my ass because Luther hargreeves and Cameron brodeur would NOT discriminate!!!)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Small filler chapter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Y'all hear summ??? Lmao Luther being a good brother</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2:21am </p>
<p>Diego: Luther you don't understand how much I fucking hate you rn </p>
<p>Luther: oh please, nobody can hate me more than myself </p>
<p>Luther: but please enlighten me</p>
<p>Luther: what did I do this time </p>
<p>Diego: I...damn-</p>
<p>Diego: I was just gonna say you hid my favourite knife- </p>
<p>Luther: uhhh no i didn't?? </p>
<p>Klaus: uh</p>
<p>Klaus: it was ben </p>
<p>Ben: YOU LYING LITTLE EMO IT WAS YOU </p>
<p>Ben: YOU BORROWED IT TO FEEL LIKE A BADDIE WHEN PRACTISING UR EYELINER</p>
<p>Klaus: y'all hear summ?? </p>
<p>Klaus: I just got a gust of cap from somewhere Idk where tho </p>
<p>Ben: I'll rip ur fake lashes off in your sleep </p>
<p>Klaus: I think I'll go to bed I'm hearing a faint whispering</p>
<p>Klaus: must be my imagination </p>
<p>Ben: j,,,just fuck you </p>
<p>Diego: AYO🔇🔇YOU 🔇MADE🔇 BEN🔇🔇 UPSET🔇🔇</p>
<p>Luther: no need to shout damn </p>
<p>Klaus: Luther you dimwit </p>
<p>Klaus: that's clearly the mute button </p>
<p>Klaus: you absolute buffoon </p>
<p>Klaus: you complete moron </p>
<p>Klaus: you golden retriever of a simpleton </p>
<p>Luther: wow I'm feeling so attacked rn</p>
<p>Diego: pls,,,,,, Klaus stop the spam </p>
<p>Klaus: no </p>
<p>Klaus: me and Ben were watching the alienist now I can't sleep </p>
<p>Klaus: too much energy </p>
<p>Klaus: plus Luke Evans so</p>
<p>Luther: omg Luke Evans can rail me, choke the life out of me, blow my back out and hit me with his car </p>
<p>Diego: WHA HA VKRKDWK WHA</p>
<p>Klaus: LUTHER WHAT THE FUcK</p>
<p>Ben: THE NOISE THAT ESCAPED ME OMG</p>
<p>Ben: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT I CANT BREATHE</p>
<p>Klaus: LUTHER BUDDY THATS A LIL ROUGH</p>
<p>Luther: :P</p>
<p>Diego: {attachment.deigo.pgngif}</p>
<p>Diego: Y OU DONT UNDERSTAND </p>
<p>Klaus: TF DI ARE YOU CRYING</p>
<p>Diego: IT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE</p>
<p>Luther: I speak only the truth </p>
<p>Ben: GO TO SLEEP </p>
<p>Luther: fuck </p>
<p>Luther: everyone in bed rn before I come and tuck you in </p>
<p>Diego: f,fucking goodnight </p>
<p>Klaus: my toes are under the blankets I'm not risking anything </p>
<p> </p>
<p>3:34am </p>
<p>Klaus: WAIT LUTHER UR A BOTTOM</p>
<p> </p>
<p>7:12am </p>
<p>Luther: let's not today pls for the love of god</p>
<p>Luther: morning everyone!!! </p>
<p>Allie: hngg bad morning </p>
<p>Five: that's my line </p>
<p>Allie: no me now</p>
<p>Five: bitch??? The fucking audacity?? </p>
<p>Five: the lion the witch and the audacity of this bitch </p>
<p>Allie: I'm on my period five. You really want to test me today?? Cuz I'll rumour your skinny ass to do the Irish jig on dad's desk </p>
<p>Five: Fucking do it. Gimme a skirt that fits and I'll flash him while I'm up there </p>
<p>Allie: BET </p>
<p>five: WAIT NO </p>
<p>Allie: now shut up I want to read last night's convo while I have time </p>
<p>Luther: <strong>DONT</strong></p>
<p>allie: what-</p>
<p>Klaus: ALLIE PLS DO OMH</p>
<p>Diego: this is going to be fucking spectacular </p>
<p>Luther: I,,,why did dad make me leader </p>
<p>Luther: why </p>
<p>Luther: when none of you silly fucks ever LISTEN TO ME</p>
<p>Allie: lmao I'm read </p>
<p>Luther: fuck sake Allison pls</p>
<p>Allie: LUTHER U WANT LUKE EVANS TO WHAT</p>
<p>Luther: HES SEXY OKAY HAVE YOU SEEN HIM??? LET ME LIVE OMG </p>
<p>Allie: last time I checked we were 13 </p>
<p>Luther: last time I checked he lives in my fantasies rent free </p>
<p>Klaus: luTGER </p>
<p>five: I think i just peed a lil </p>
<p>Five: pop off bro </p>
<p>Diego: hehe it's din dins time </p>
<p>Five: it's fucking breakfast you troglodyte </p>
<p>Diego: hey fuck u </p>
<p> </p>
<p>1:45pm</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Allie: I'm going to cry omg </p>
<p>Allie: dad won't let me sit out training and I have a huge cramp @Vanya</p>
<p>Vanya: holy shit no wtf sexist old fart </p>
<p>Allie: Van pls don't make me laugh I'm basically bent in double as it is</p>
<p>Luther: allie do u need me to take u to see mom??? </p>
<p>Allie: yes I really need too but dad won't let me </p>
<p>Luther: wait come over here a sec </p>
<p>Allie: whyyy it hurts</p>
<p>Luther: trust me</p>
<p>Allie: okay </p>
<p>Luther: you said you wanted to be an actress when you grow up right? </p>
<p>Allie: yeah, why??? </p>
<p>Luther: just follow my instructions exactly and be careful </p>
<p>Allie: aight???? </p>
<p>Vanya: *visible confusion*</p>
<p>Klaus: HOLY SHIT LUTHER JUST FUCKING PICKED ALLIE UP AND SLAMMED HER DOWN</p>
<p>Klaus: SHES KNOCKED OUT</p>
<p>Vanya: WHAT</p>
<p>Diego: LUTHER WTF????</p>
<p>Vanya: WHATS HAPPENING</p>
<p>Diego: DADS SHOUTING AT LUTHER FOR DOING IT UNPROVOKED </p>
<p>Diego: NOW HES TELLING HIM TO FIX HIS MISTAKE AND TAKE HER TO MOM</p>
<p>Diego: THEYRE GONE</p>
<p>Vanya: I AM SO LESBIAN AND CONFUSED </p>
<p>Diego: LUTHER TFFF MAN WHYD YOU KNOCK ALLIE OUT </p>
<p>allie: hehehehe </p>
<p>Klaus: wait tf </p>
<p>Klaus: didn't you just die</p>
<p>Diego: £_#)€#&amp;/#€=€=#??????</p>
<p>Klaus: wait,,, omg Luther you genius </p>
<p>Diego: help??? </p>
<p>Klaus: basically, allie needed meds for her lady curse,</p>
<p>Vanya: accurate </p>
<p>Klaus: and dad wouldn't let her go, so Luther made it look like allie needed medical attention bcs of training and now she can go </p>
<p>Allie: ehhehe yes </p>
<p>Allie: mom's making me special tea </p>
<p>Allie: Luther is vibing next to me like the devil on my shoulder </p>
<p>Allie: Hes talking about luke Evans again </p>
<p>Luther: and I'll do it again </p>
<p>Luther: god that ma n</p>
<p>Five: wait how did he like...not actually knock you out tho</p>
<p>Five: your head hit the ground so hard</p>
<p>Luther: OH I put my hand between her head and the ground so my hand got smashed into the floor not her face lol</p>
<p>Luther: ik how much she likes it</p>
<p>Allie: lmao ur not wrong </p>
<p>Luther: also I'm gonna smack reggie through the wall that raggedy ass bald bitch</p>
<p>Diego: Wha </p>
<p>Luther: I'm grounded again ffs</p>
<p>Luther: god you slam her into the floor ONE TIME</p>
<p>Klaus: that fucking avocado about to catch these manicured HANDS</p>
<p>Luther: idc tho I can thirst over luke Evans more</p>
<p>Klaus: fucking lucky god </p>
<p>Ben: what did I miss???</p>
<p>Ben: Allison got slammed?? </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Tumblr And shii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Not a chapter! Just wanted to thank you all who've read, commented and left kudos on my work, it really means alot!! And if you have any requests, want to talk shit, or want to have an in depth discussion why Luther is babey don't hesitate to contact me on:</p><p>Tumblr: @ghostie-luther </p><p>Insta: onyxdextorihol (I mainly post digital doodles on there but I'm working on a realistic picture of Cameron brodeur rn!) </p><p>....please for the love of God someone talk to me-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Another one bites the DUST</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Luther's allergies are playing up and Reginald once again demonstrates his A+ parenting skills</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I AM ALIVE. I'm sorry I left you all hanging for so long, I keep having to pop in and out of school because people in my year are getting COVID. I'm in self isolation rn because my best mate has it. (He's fine! &lt;3) I'm not consistent with my docs normally, but I left y'all for too long!! </p><p>Anyway </p><p>I got this WONDERFUL prompt from @honeyhoneybee, which is the following:</p><p>"Since you said you were taking requests...teehee don't mind if I do ^.^ So, I headcanon Luther as having really bad allergies, and I imagine Reggie the Piece of Shit(TM) makes him train through it (ie outside in the pollen) because he's "not actually sick" and gives him shit about it because it's a "weakness" and he's supposed to be physically strong, etc. And humiliates him for it in front of his siblings :( I imagine Luther gets embarrassed and tries to hide his symptoms/stifles his sneezes around Reggie during training. But then when training's over his siblings express concern (in their teasing, sibling way). Like, sneaking him meds or tissues, checking up on him, teasing him for sneezing too loudly... like Diego texting him to shut up or Klaus just saying "Ouch" if it sounded painful. Basically I'm requesting a chapter the way they normally interact in the GC lol, but involving those elements. :) TY!" </p><p>(Sorry to expose you sis/bro/pal lmao, but it was so sweet.) You have me the motivation to crank out a new chapter! <br/>If any of you are interested, you can go and check out my more recent stories!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>7:01am</p><p>Klaus: good morning bitches who I tolerate!</p><p>Ben: morning </p><p>Klaus: not you </p><p>Ben: awahh because you love me?? </p><p>Klaus: bcs I hate you </p><p>Ben: rude ass little BOY</p><p>Klaus: BENTAIBENTAIBENTAI</p><p>Ben: BITCH I- </p><p>Vanya: I can't believe that I have to get up at the same as you WEEBS and I don't even have training </p><p>Vanya: this is abuse </p><p>Klaus:....who's gonna tell her </p><p>Diego: shhhhhh</p><p>Klaus: that's it Diego, picture the words, just a couple of letter till you can spell "she's adorable" </p><p>Diego: no I was saying shhh as in shut the fuck up </p><p>Klaus: RUDE</p><p>Five: COFFEE</p><p>Allie: oh shit he's here </p><p>Five: I need my life blood </p><p>Allie: loife blood </p><p>Five: I will personally shank dad with his tie for a pot of coffee rn</p><p>Diego: shank him?? With a tie??? </p><p>Diego: Five</p><p>Five: don't mock me....I'll find a way </p><p>Klaus: consider my timbers shivered </p><p>Ben: I'm shaking in my boots</p><p>Allie: what shoes she got on </p><p>Ben: crocs </p><p>Klaus: if anyone wears crocs In my presence im going to pinch their toes through the holes</p><p>Klaus: even I have a limit </p><p>Klaus: crocs are EVIL</p><p>Diego: why hasn't Luther talked yet </p><p>Diego: he hates crocs with a passion too</p><p>Klaus: as he should</p><p>Allie: I think he woke up late idk </p><p>Allie: we'll probably be at breakfast before him </p><p>Ben: damn that's a first </p><p> </p><p>8:10am</p><p>Diego: uhh Luther you good? </p><p>Diego: you kinda spaced out during breakfast </p><p>Diego: like...alot</p><p>Luther: yeah I'm good dw, I just have a lil bit of a headache </p><p>Luther: I'll go see mom then join you outside for training! </p><p>Diego: kk, feel better bro </p><p> </p><p>9:45am</p><p>Klaus: Luther wtf are you doing??? </p><p>Klaus: again</p><p>Klaus: there it is again</p><p>Klaus: he's been looking at you all lesson wtf are you doing </p><p>Vanya: oooo drama </p><p>Allie: he just tried to hide a sneeze Klaus lmao</p><p>Luther: uhhhhhggggg </p><p>Luther: ew </p><p>Diego: lmao i thought you were busting out some funky moves</p><p>Ben: Luther doesn't know HOW to dance-</p><p>Luther: bet</p><p>Klaus: ughh training sucks ass </p><p>Klaus: it's cold as shit out here fr </p><p>Klaus: and someone mowed their lawn or field or whatever so we can smell grass</p><p>Klaus: god it's so cold my nose hurts when I BREATHE </p><p>Diego: then stop breathing dumbass </p><p>Allie: wait someone mowed grass or wheat?? </p><p>Luther: awww shit </p><p>Luther: that's what it is</p><p>Luther: no wonder i feel like im going to pass out </p><p>Diego: Luther, you good? </p><p>Luther: I can't breathe very well atm, but I'm fine to train. Icba to have him shout at me over it </p><p>Vanya: wait what's going on?? Is Luther hurt???? Why's he bent over?? </p><p>Klaus: wait tf </p><p>Klaus: God?? </p><p>Vanya: look up </p><p>Klaus : WHYRE YOU IN THE WINDOW </p><p>Vanya: IM LOOKING</p><p>Klaus: UR PEEPING</p><p>Five: to answer your question Vanya, Luther has allergies </p><p>Five: he mainly reacts to grass, weeds and wheat, and basically any HINT of pollen and his immune system revolts </p><p>Klaus: like France </p><p>Five: did you- did- you mean the revolution?</p><p>Five: I'm going to cry </p><p>Allie: Five....sweetie </p><p>Five: FUCK</p><p>Klaus: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO BE SMART</p><p>Diego: ay guys im kinda worried </p><p>Diego: Luther's sniffling and panting and his eyes are red</p><p>Diego: dad's going to notice in a heart beat </p><p>Luther: I'll be fine!</p><p>Luther: I can still </p><p>Luther: he's coming </p><p> </p><p>11:21am</p><p>Diego: I'm going to murder dad so dead he'll be dead </p><p>Five: I'm with you </p><p>Allie: and me </p><p>Luther: noooo:( it's okay </p><p>Vanya: what did he do to luther??? </p><p>Luther: whyd you assume it was me?</p><p>Vanya: he always has beef w you the most-</p><p>Luther: VALIDDDD</p><p>Vanya: so what happened? </p><p>Vanya: wait did ben and klaus just escort luther in??? </p><p>Diego: want the long version or the super short version? </p><p>Vanya: as detailed as you can get it </p><p>Diego: okay so </p><p>Diego: we were training, and we noticed Luther's allergies getting worse. like his eyes were streaming and he was sniffling because he couldn't breathe very well, and he was sick in the first place w his headache and was getting lightheaded. So Allison calls dad over to ask him if Luther can sit out....and he looks at him, and then makes him work harder</p><p>Vanya: WHAT THE FUCK???? </p><p>Diego: that's not even the worst part</p><p>Diego: "number one. How dare you act so weak in front of your siblings. There is nothing wrong with you. How are you meant to be leader when you can't do a simple training exercise. Some people are born with brawn, some with brain. You were born with all the brawn and none of the brain. You will come over here and work through extra excersises."</p><p>Vanya: I am fucking seething</p><p>Diego: I'm shaking </p><p>Allie: everyone's so mad now, it's unreal</p><p>Five: long story short, dad overworked Luther by miles. Luther fainted for a minute. By the time we took care of him and he woke up dad had already dissapeared</p><p>Allie: he is such a bag of shit.</p><p>Luther: I'm fine!!! </p><p>Luther: I love you all &lt;33</p><p>Klaus: Bruh we don't deserve you holy fuck</p><p>Luther: I'm feeling much better now actually</p><p>Luther: Klaus is painting my nails</p><p>Luther: bens kinda,,,,, sitting on my legs </p><p>Ben: if I fits I sits</p><p>Diego: omw </p><p>Klaus: awww Diego! You're just a big softy! &lt;33</p><p>Diego: I will knife you</p><p> </p><p>3:55pm</p><p>Diego: one more sneeze and I'm shoving cotton in ur mouth</p><p>Ben: kinky </p><p>Luther: ITS NOT PLEASANT FOR ME EITHER</p><p>Diego: wait ow wtf </p><p>Diego: that was like.....7 in a row</p><p>Luther: uuuughhhhgh</p><p> </p><p>9:22pm</p><p>Diego: Luther ionwanna start shit but it looks like you've smoked some good stuff</p><p>Klaus: godamnit Luther don't take from my stash GOD</p><p>ben: he doesn't even know where it is</p><p>Luther:.....okay </p><p>Klaus: Luther bambooksha revulutia oompaloompa dondeloopa hargreeves I swear to god</p><p>Luther: ngl idc what mom says if I don't get out of this bed rn I'm going to smash another hole in my wall</p><p>Allie: a,,,Another?? </p><p>Klaus: if it was luke Evans tending to you you wouldn't complain WOULD YOU </p><p>Luther: I'd break my own arms and legs just so he'd stay </p><p>Diego: LUTHER I LSJDHKALAJG</p><p>Ben: have some self RESTRAINT</p><p>Luther: no</p><p>Ben: good point </p><p>Luther: I might get an early night tbh</p><p>luther: I'm exhausted </p><p>Luther: I LOVE YALL</p><p>Klaus: AND WE LOVE YOU</p><p>vanya: sleep the pain away child &lt;333</p><p>Luther: &lt;33333!!!!</p><p> </p><p>2:34am </p><p>Luther:.....I can't sleep</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so sorry this is short!!! I cranked this one out in roughly an hour and I'm really tired but I love requests!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 4 fanart go brrr</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I’m not an artist but like......boo<br/>(Based on that bit in chapter 4*?* where Klaus and Luther Hug¿?¿? Ig?????</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Click here to see some shitty fanart of my two favourite boys: </p>
<p>https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ghostie-luther</p>
<p>That SHOULD take you to the drawing on my tumblr and if it doesn’t based on my week I’ll probably cry😃 So yippee kiyay <em>motherfuckers</em> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Sea turtles never meet their moms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>FIVE FOUND THEIR BIRTH CERTIFICATES AND REGGIES BEEN SPROUTING SOME BULLSHIT.<br/>-WHUMP-<br/>(These are just headcanons mostly- apart from Luther because cam is from montreal and ben because justin min is also korean american-)</p><p>I give you this chapter from beyond the grave and I am running out of ideas-</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Hoes</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>12:16am</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Klaus: WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKS</p><p>Diego: oh?</p><p>Allie: ben translate?</p><p>Ben: WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKS</p><p>Diego: oh fuck</p><p>Klaus: WHO TOLD LUTHER SEA TURTLES NEVER MEET THEIR MOMS</p><p>Vanya: in my defence </p><p>Allie: ???</p><p>Vanya: no that's it lmao</p><p>Allie: seems ab right</p><p>Ben: VANYA HE'S ONE WET SOCK AWAY FROM SOBBING</p><p>Klaus: please he's looking around with teary eyes and sniffling vanya i swear to fuck 1v1 me rn</p><p>Vanya: BET</p><p>Vanya: OH I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE</p><p>Klaus: on second thought he'll live</p><p>Ben: DIEGO YOU DICK LMFAOOOOO</p><p>Ben: TAKE THAT BACK</p><p>Diego: ITS TRUE THO</p><p>Allie: what happened???</p><p>Klaus: DI JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND WHISPERED IN HIS EAR "NEITHER DID YOU" AND RAN AWAY</p><p>Vanya: DIEGO IM FUCKING SOBBING LMFAOAOAOO</p><p>Ben: SO IS LUTHER </p><p>Allie: Luther im so sorry i cackled are you alright</p><p>Luther: i could be living in barbados rn</p><p>Klaus: PLEASE </p><p>Klaus: HE SNAPPED</p><p>Luther: eating fucking cheese because I WANT to and not because of a diet</p><p>Luther: and drinking wine</p><p>Diego: Youre underage</p><p>Luther: does it look like i give a diddly fuck?</p><p>Diego: actually no you look like you need one-</p><p>Diego: got the mf shakes and EVERYTHING</p><p>Luther: EXACTLY</p><p>Luther: FIVE??</p><p>Five: if youre going to ask me to break into dads liqueur cabinet.</p><p>Luther: sorry...</p><p>Five: then meet me at 2am lmao </p><p>Luther: wait i was joking-</p><p>Five: Ik but he got the GOOD stuff </p><p>Five: I want some</p><p>Klaus: we really doing this because i'm in- </p><p>Allie: NO YOUR'E NOT</p><p>Five: your'e</p><p>Allie: fuck off ratman</p><p>Five: i resent that</p><p>Allie: you'd 100% get caught</p><p>Allie: he's got locks and you know damn well he monitors his stash religiously </p><p>Allie: the crown jewels have less security </p><p>Five: FUCK</p><p> </p><p>1:23AM</p><p>Luther: Do sea turtles really not meet their moms? :(</p><p>Ben: I'm gonna kill Vanya-</p><p>Vanya: finally the sweet release of death</p><p>Luther: no me first</p><p>Luther: I've been alive longer I deserve to perish first</p><p>Vanya: stop thats ILLEGAL</p><p>Luther: what is?</p><p>Luther: death?</p><p>Vanya: NO Luther slander!</p><p>Luther: is it slander or self hate at this point?</p><p>Klaus: It's worrying is what it is</p><p>Klaus: nothing bad is to be said about you</p><p>Klaus: because you are babey</p><p>Luther: I am....literally older than you</p><p>Luther: and taller</p><p>Luther: and bigger :(</p><p>Klaus: ONLY BY 3 INCHES</p><p>Klaus: Plus isn't Di like...the same height as you?</p><p>Luther: shut up delete it don't let him KNOW-</p><p>Diego: TOO LATE</p><p>Luther: shit</p><p>Diego: YOU SAID I WAS SHORTER</p><p>Luther: well yeah I lied lmao I just wanted you to do that face when you're really mad but don't want to be over something like this because mom would tell you off</p><p>Diego: FUCK </p><p>Diego: you may be older but at least we're the same height now </p><p>Five: GUYS</p><p>Five: YOU WONT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS</p><p>Ben: Five what's wrong?</p><p>Luther: are you okay? </p><p>Luther: Five you there?</p><p>Five: sorry i had to duck into an empty room for a second Pogo was around</p><p>Luther: are you not in your room?</p><p>Five: well</p><p>Five: no</p><p>Klaus: where are you?</p><p>Klaus: WAIT YOU WENT TO GET THOSE DRINKS DIDNT YOU.</p><p>Five: NO I went to INVESTIGATE</p><p>Five: i wasn't actually going to take anything</p><p>Five: allison got me curious on the security </p><p>Five: which is shit, by the way</p><p>Allie: five. </p><p>Five: RIGHT sorry</p><p>Five: know how its in his office?</p><p>Ben: yeah?</p><p>Five: well i was looking for like... a key or letter opener to try and pick the lock (because hey, challenge) </p><p>Five: guys i found our birth certificates </p><p>Luther: wait he has those?</p><p>Luther: I thought we didn't have any because none of our moms gave birth in a hospital?</p><p>Five: it looks like dad filled them all in himself??? idk</p><p>Five: I would invite you all down but like.... Pogo's right outside and I cant move the files OR myself because i'm wiped out from training </p><p>Five: plus the light is like a fucking BEACON</p><p>Klaus: can you read them and tell us the good bits??</p><p>Ben: yeah like where we're from and shit?? </p><p>Five: duh of course dipshits</p><p>Five: why'd you think i messaged you-</p><p>Diego: because you got caught in dads liquor cabinet?</p><p>Five: sorry i cant hear you over the sound of a whinny little bitch somewhere in this manor</p><p>Diego: mother fuck- </p><p>Klaus: who's mother we fucking because nobody here knows their bio moms</p><p>Five: you will if you let me START</p><p>Klaus: right, sorry fiveal</p><p>Five: electing to ignore that</p><p>Allie: START</p><p>Five: starting with me</p><p>Vanya: of course</p><p>Five: I am apparently American which is boring as shit </p><p>Five: I was born in....alabama </p><p>Luther: RETURN OF REDNECK TANNER</p><p>Five: STFU</p><p>Klaus: I peed a lil</p><p>Klaus: continue </p><p>Five: I made my entrance into the world at 1:23am</p><p>Klaus: wait i thought we were all born at the exact same time??</p><p>Luther: I mean technically all of our moms went into LABOUR at the same time, but their health and body and surroundings and their willingness to push a magic baby out of their bodies impacted the actual birth time :??</p><p>Luther: everybodys body is different i'm trying to say </p><p>Luther: i think</p><p>Luther: Five?</p><p>Five: :0</p><p>Vanya: :0</p><p>Klaus: :0</p><p>Five: That's actually correct... well done Luther!</p><p>Luther: Yay!</p><p>Diego: my cold dead heart just thawed a little bit </p><p>Five: moving on,,,</p><p>Five: My mom was called Cindy Marcus and she was dating some pastor at the time. She worked in a restaurant for minimum wage and after i was born the boyfriend bailed because idk devil baby or some shit (honestly you would think i was the messiah but pop off ig). After that she couldn't make ends meet and reggie appeared and offered her money and now here we are??? Apparently i spent 3 days with her</p><p>Allie: that poor woman :( i hope she married someone nice!</p><p>Klaus: but hey at least you got some info five!!</p><p>Five: huh,, yeah</p><p>Five: I'll search her up at a later date see if she's still around</p><p>Five: moving on</p><p>Five: allison!</p><p>Allie: eee!</p><p>Five: you were born in Greece but your mom was african-italian!</p><p>Klaus: WOAH</p><p>Vanya: fancy!!!</p><p>Allie: no WAY :000</p><p>Five: apparently she was a famous fashion designer and she gave birth during one of her show viewings </p><p>Five: which, ouch</p><p>Five: she went into labour at 12am and gave birth at 12:46am</p><p>Five: so yes...that makes you older than me smh</p><p>Allie: kneel</p><p>Five: her name was Giulia Rabano, and she was in Greece for one of her shows. She was single at the time, and passed away when we were five from natural causes?? Idk it doesn't expand... she gave you up just after me, actually. Dad found you at an orphanage.</p><p>Allie: Oh :(( that's a shame</p><p>Luther: sorry allie :(((</p><p>Allie: It's okay!</p><p>Allie: We never knew her so it's gucci</p><p>Five: yeah that's true ig ://</p><p>Five: Luther!</p><p>Luther: me...</p><p>Five: You're actually French-Canadian!</p><p>Luther: AH :0</p><p>Ben: Omg thats so fitting what-</p><p>Five: you were born in Montreal to an Emelie Norma, a preschool teacher. She was living on her own in a shitty apartment because she was... disowned by her family. Something to do with a family business and her reluctance to enter it. It doesn't say how dad got you, sorry :((</p><p>Luther: that's okay!! You gave me more than enough info! &lt;3</p><p>Five: hhhghg so sweet wtf. Anyway, you were born at 12:34am, and it says here that dad got to you first</p><p>Luther: ugh ew Reginald</p><p>Klaus: regibald </p><p>Five: Klaus!</p><p>Klaus: What did i say!??</p><p>Five: your info numbnuts</p><p>Klaus: O H </p><p>Five: you were born at 1:20am to a family of three, your mom and dad arent named, but apparently you have an older sibling of some sort?? All they're named is "steph" but that could either be a male or female, and there's no last name :// </p><p>Klaus: Damn, there's an older me out there :D</p><p>Ben: take cover everyone</p><p>Klaus: D:&lt;</p><p>Five: also Klaus if you couldn't tell by your name you're German. And apparently your sibling brought you to dad and just gave you up. yikes</p><p>Klaus: That FUCKER-</p><p>Klaus: Bentai, get the tentacles </p><p>Ben: do i have to</p><p>Klaus: yes for my honour</p><p>Ben: you dropped your toothbrush in the toilet and proceeded to USE IT</p><p>Ben: YOU HAVE NO HONOUR</p><p>Vanya: WHAT THE F U CK</p><p>Luther: EW</p><p>Diego: klaus oh my,,,,god</p><p>Klaus: i've done worse</p><p>Vanya: moving on swiftly,,,,,do me do me do me</p><p>Five: right, Vanya you're Russian, obviously </p><p>Vanya: obviously </p><p>Klaus: obviously????</p><p>Five: you were born at 1:40am,,, you're like.... the youngest</p><p>Vanya: godamnit :(( GRRR</p><p>Ben: okay so what i'm getting from this is that we're not ranked by ability, but by age???</p><p>Ben: So i would be above vanya but below you, and diego would be younger than luther but older than allison? </p><p>Five: basically. Haven't read your twos yet</p><p>Five: Vanya you were born to a market lady called Ba- something, it's either really fucking smudged or just russian</p><p>Vanya: understandable </p><p>Five: SHE JUMPED INTO A PUBLIC POOL AND REMERGED PREGNANT VANYA IF THAT ISNT YOU ALL OVER</p><p>Vanya: SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER-</p><p>Five: apparently your family was really really poor (because soviet countries weren't doing good at all) and they had to give you up to Reggie for both money and your survival </p><p>Vanya: oh worm</p><p>Vanya: hope they got good money</p><p>Five: probably did </p><p>Five: Ben you here?</p><p>Ben: oooo is it my turn</p><p>Five: indeed it is number 6</p><p>Five: you were born at 1:36am to an unnamed woman- she was a hostess in California and you are korean-american! You were born in seoul!</p><p>Ben: WOAH :0 I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO VISIT THERE</p><p>Klaus: hell YEAH benticals!!!!</p><p>Klaus: congrats!</p><p>Five: your mother is dead</p><p>Klaus: fucking hell five-</p><p>Ben: oop-</p><p>Ben: ah well. You win some you lose some</p><p>Five: yeah uhhhh she kinda jumped infront of a train. She, like Luthers mom, was cut off from her family entirely and had no support so she just,,, ended it all</p><p>Ben: oh shit- </p><p>Vanya: ugh im jealous </p><p>Luther: NOW IS NOT THE TIME VANYA- </p><p>Ben: BANYA PLS</p><p>Klaus: VANYA HARGREEVES SAVE THAT FOR THE GAY GROUPCHAT TM</p><p>Vanya: OKAY SORRY BEN</p><p>Ben: ITS OKAY SIS DDJSJFSHEJLFHJWF</p><p>Diego: Okay can you like,,, do me now??</p><p>Klaus: you only had to ask, dear brother ;)))</p><p>Diego: STFU</p><p>Five: STFU</p><p>Five: ANYWAY </p><p>Five: Diego, you are mexican but i could have told you that</p><p>Diego: fair?? lmao</p><p>Klaus: that sentence alone sounds suspicious but it's because you swear in Spanish every two minutes like we don't realise what you're saying</p><p>Diego: OH-</p><p>Five: okay Di you were born in Mexico, at 12:20am which was a short af labour but get it ig, you were born to a Veronica perez, and she immediately gave you up so her family wasn't shamed and nobody knew but the orphanage. She worked in the security business and she died a couple of years back in a fire</p><p>Allie: ayy orphanage buddies </p><p>Diego: ayyyyy</p><p>Diego: but hey thats kinda neat i know my moms name now :0000</p><p>Klaus: the more you know lmao</p><p>Klaus: but hey thanks five!!</p><p>Luther: yeah thanks!!! :)))</p><p>Vanya: &lt;3333</p><p>Allie: wait...</p><p>Ben: did you notice it too?</p><p>Allie: i- yeah</p><p>Five: ???</p><p>Diego: whats wrong??</p><p>Allie: Di... you're older than Luther</p><p>Luther: wait what??</p><p>Diego: Tf??</p><p>Five: what the fuck??</p><p>Ben: It says luther was born at 12:34..... and Diego was born 12:20</p><p>Ben: 14 minutes before</p><p>Klaus: holy fucking shit no way</p><p>Klaus: diegos the oldest???</p><p>Luther: and...I'm not??</p><p>Five: I mean...apparently not</p><p>Five: and it's dad so.. no mistakes</p><p>Luther: oh....</p><p>Vanya: wait then why is diego number two?? Shouldn't he be number 1?</p><p>Diego: because Luther is daddies favourite and gets whatever the fuck he wants. </p><p>Luther: wait huh? </p><p>Luther: Diego what?</p><p>Allie: hey Diego, it's a shock, but it's not that deep. Don't attack Luther like that??</p><p>Diego: why not?? He's always bad mouthing dad but he's a try hard and is obviously favoured by dad. Everyone else is in order but me. Why? Because golden boy luther just HAD to come first. And then dad told us HE was the oldest when he knew the truth. It's favouritism. </p><p>Luther: Di that's not fair</p><p>Diego: Don't di me. </p><p>Five: Diego go cool off. </p><p>Diego: shouldn't the LEADER be telling me that? </p><p>Vanya: great, now you upset him.</p><p>Klaus: who?</p><p>Vanya: Luther. He was in my room with me and allison but got really upset and jumpy and left crying and now he wont answer our messages </p><p>Diego: are you kidding me? IM upset and everyone is telling me off, HE starts crying for no reason and attention and everyone is on his side? </p><p>Diego: must be nice to be number one. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Diego has left the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>2:15am</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Diego-Luther (direct message)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Luther: Diego?</p><p>Luther: are you still mad at me?</p><p>Luther: are you there?</p><p>Diego: what. </p><p>Luther: Diego please dont be mad. i had no idea</p><p>Luther: i would tell you all if i did</p><p>Luther: you know that</p><p>Luther: we were separated as children because dad spoke to me more and i was in his office all the time and nobody liked speaking to me because you all thought i was some kind of narc and it killed me and i only got our relationship back with the group a couple of years ago and i dont want to go back to how it used to be please </p><p>Luther: especially with you</p><p>Luther: youre my best friend </p><p>Diego: you could have apologised without adding the whole relationship with dad thing, you know. </p><p>Luther: diego, you know thats not what i meat</p><p>Luther: meant</p><p>Luther: apologise for what??</p><p>Diego: just the way you've been fucking acting. Yeah you're cool most times, but then you're called to dads office and you spend hours in there and then you come back out and refuse to explain why you're in there. It's no secret you're the favourite. </p><p>Diego: since we were little you were always held over us. </p><p>Diego: and you REFUSE to let anyone else PRETEND they could be number one. Especially me. </p><p>Diego: you get pissy and jumpy when i challenge you. its like you knew i could come for your title.</p><p>Diego: like you knew you weren't really number one.</p><p>Luther: Di please that's too farr</p><p>Luther: i always thought i was the oldest, same as you</p><p>Luther: It was my job to be number one, because it meant i was in charge of you out in the field, just like i was the oldest in real life. I could protect you and take the fall for you</p><p>Diego: Well, since its a "job", you wouldn't mind if i take over?</p><p>Diego: as the oldest</p><p>Luther: no</p><p>Luther: you cant</p><p>Diego: THATS WHAT IM FUCKING TALKING ABOUT </p><p>Diego: never give anyone the fucking chance</p><p>Diego: you LOVE being daddies favourite, dont you??</p><p>Diego: all the attention, all the alone time you have with him</p><p>Diego: why can't anyone ELSE have that chance, HUH, LUTHER???</p><p>Luther: BECAUSE I'M NOT LETTING YOU HAVE ALONE TIME WITH THAT FUCKING MONSTER DIEGO</p><p>Luther: NONE of you. </p><p>Luther: DONT YOU REALISE HOW FUCKED UP HE IS?</p><p>Luther: HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING CANE HURTS?</p><p>Diego: What the fuck?</p><p>Diego: Cane? Luther? </p><p>Luther: Im done.</p><p>Luther: be number one.</p><p>Luther: have your fucfing alone time.</p><p>Luther: hope you have a good pain tolerance. </p><p>Diego: Luther?</p><p>Diego: Luther come back </p><p>Diego: what the fuck do you mean??</p><p>Diego: Luther?</p><p>Diego: shit.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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